Time to bring in the Meds

it sucks that it had to come to that. But i cant do it any more just by myself. I cant run myself into the ground to keep other things off of my mind. I need the help. Normal outlets that worked before have little or no effect on me. That's what's upsetting. Or maybe i worked myself up really good. Maybe i have gotten into a path that is destructive to my health. I probably should take a class on how to relax. 

I think i am going to have to do some pleading with strangers. To have faith and let me in. Faith that i can do the job that another department thought that i was qualified that i could complete at their school. Doesn't that count for something? What does a standardized test evaluate? It doesn't measure anything i have learned in the classroom in any upper level classes that i have taken. it is completely un-useful to anyone.

ugh.

So i haven't written in a long while. I used to enjoy writing. Now it's kind of a trigger for my spiral downward. Im just tired of it all. i want to just stop and sleep for a long time. at least a day or so. Im mostly tired. i want to do so much...and yet i have worked so hard for this and it might get pulled from under me. I hate that i have the spot but not the education. how is that possible? oh bc GW is so hoity toity that they make their own rules. im angry, tired, stressed, and pissed. don't stand in my way people.