moved to word press

sadly i had forgotten about this blog. (darn hard drive for crashing.)

head on over to my wordpress blog.

Time to bring in the Meds

it sucks that it had to come to that. But i cant do it any more just by myself. I cant run myself into the ground to keep other things off of my mind. I need the help. Normal outlets that worked before have little or no effect on me. That's what's upsetting. Or maybe i worked myself up really good. Maybe i have gotten into a path that is destructive to my health. I probably should take a class on how to relax. 

I think i am going to have to do some pleading with strangers. To have faith and let me in. Faith that i can do the job that another department thought that i was qualified that i could complete at their school. Doesn't that count for something? What does a standardized test evaluate? It doesn't measure anything i have learned in the classroom in any upper level classes that i have taken. it is completely un-useful to anyone.

ugh.

So i haven't written in a long while. I used to enjoy writing. Now it's kind of a trigger for my spiral downward. Im just tired of it all. i want to just stop and sleep for a long time. at least a day or so. Im mostly tired. i want to do so much...and yet i have worked so hard for this and it might get pulled from under me. I hate that i have the spot but not the education. how is that possible? oh bc GW is so hoity toity that they make their own rules. im angry, tired, stressed, and pissed. don't stand in my way people.

at the tower...

so i thought it would be different right now. this whole semester. i thought it would be a breeze. i wouldn't have any major problems... boy was i wrong and its only been 5 weeks. i will take the summer back and my main worry was toggling between the cardinals and field hockey. ah those were the days. i never thought i would have said that...

the library will soon be my second home. i have to start sleeping more. i need to start writing lots of papers... damn writing major and minor. (and internship for that matter).

i think my parents are serious about having my grad party at the tower... oh who to invite.

what to do.

back on fb...its not as exciting as it used to be. I guess I'm weird. 

So I'm wondering about the 500 point drop by the Dow today. I really didn't hear much about it on the news...granted I'm watching baseball but still. BBC is calling it Meltdown Monday...and it could have been worse is what it reports. I don't have much money but i like the little amount that i do have, ya know?

He talked to me on Sunday...but it was light and one-dimensional. i guess i fucked up another good guy friendship again. 

Field hockey WON!!

I want to share that FIELD HOCKEY WON 8-0 against Lindenwood tonight. And they played it on TV!!!

We also have the best athletic team record so far this season!!!

I signed up for the GRE

I now have to take the GRE at 9 am on Oct. 17. Please keep me in your positive thoughts section of your brain on this date. I am gonna need any help i can get. Also if you see me later in the day, and Im a zombie...you know why! lol. 

Now i have to actually start studying. LOL.